Why are people so clueless?????
Nov. 7th, 2002 11:44 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
littlesilveredWhy is it people are so clueless? They live in thier own little worlds, and don't see people outside of it. That's how I feel. Everyone is in thier little happy world and seem to have left me standing in the cold.
Why do so called friends torture people? I feel so tortured and no one notices! I'm left in the dust and no one cares to take my hand and help me stand up. Inside school everyone acts like they are my best friend, that if I needed them, they would be there. But that's not true when the last bell rings, it's like I'm not there. I know things go on outside school, I always hear about them. But am I invited to the fun? of course not. But what hurts the most is when the plans are made in front of me and its like I'm not even there. It happens almost everyday by people I thought I could trust. Guess not.
Now if your reaction to this is "Why doesn't Amy plan soemthing herself?" then you really need a life. If I go somewhere, it's because I planned it. But why should I plan things when I know people are planning things without me. They are obviously trying to tell me that they don't want to be with me. Fine, then I don't want to be with you. Someone else plan the god damn sleepovers, I'm done.
I tried to think of reasons why this has happened. Sarah brought up my car. That has nothing to do with it. Why should that matter? So what, I can drive myself instead of my parents. That really doesn't change things. Then I thought of work. If I'm told of plans, then I can switch for different shifts or if *gasps* your plans have to wait an hour to include a friend whose a work, oh no! At least you can include everyone and not ahve anyone feel excluded. IT's a sucky feeling, I know very well thanks to you all. And thier are days of the week that I don't work, but do people care, of course not. The last reason scares me the most. IF this is because of Eric, then I could just cry right now. In fact, he's the only person I feel like even cares about right now. And if I have to choose between a bunch of petty friends and someone who really does like me, Then I'll choose Eric. God I miss Joey, it seems like my only friends either go to Fairfax or live in Mass.
Yes I was mad at Linnea, but not any more. She's the ONLY person I thought I could talk to about this, but something happened. I won't get into that, because it doesn't matter any more and I have talked to her. Now I'm mad at all my other so called friends. This includes you all. Someone wrote in thier live journal that they thought this didn't concern them. It does. You all have been so blind. I have been depressed for almost two whole about this. No one noticed. I even tried dropping hints. I was beginning to think that maybe I would have to do something drastic, like Matt, to get people to actually notice, but I'm above that. I figured, if they weren't friends enough to notice when I was unhappy, then why should I care. Why? Give me one reason why I should care? I try so hard to keep my friends from being down, that it hurts when no one, NO ONE, notices my own pain.
SO here's the question? Are you my friend or have you forgotton me? I need to know. Now. I need to know so I can find some real friends. You know what AJ told me? She would have called me to hang out lots of times, but she thought I was doing things with my so called friends. Boy was she wrong and I told her so, especailly after I came into work last Friday crying, crying over stupid friends. I'm glad I had a true friend there at least who actually cared. One of my few. But I'm not going to cry any more. I just want to know who are my friends and who aren't. Who has forgotten me and who hasn't.
Don't talk about this with me, don't tell me your sorry. If you are my friends, then in God's name please start acting like it! That will be an apology enough for me. And maybe, just maybe, step out of your little world and notice the people around you. I can only think that if someone else were in my postion, maybe even one of you, then your drastic measures would have been fatal. This is as drastic as I get. SO what will your choice be? My friend or not?
--Amy
Why do so called friends torture people? I feel so tortured and no one notices! I'm left in the dust and no one cares to take my hand and help me stand up. Inside school everyone acts like they are my best friend, that if I needed them, they would be there. But that's not true when the last bell rings, it's like I'm not there. I know things go on outside school, I always hear about them. But am I invited to the fun? of course not. But what hurts the most is when the plans are made in front of me and its like I'm not even there. It happens almost everyday by people I thought I could trust. Guess not.
Now if your reaction to this is "Why doesn't Amy plan soemthing herself?" then you really need a life. If I go somewhere, it's because I planned it. But why should I plan things when I know people are planning things without me. They are obviously trying to tell me that they don't want to be with me. Fine, then I don't want to be with you. Someone else plan the god damn sleepovers, I'm done.
I tried to think of reasons why this has happened. Sarah brought up my car. That has nothing to do with it. Why should that matter? So what, I can drive myself instead of my parents. That really doesn't change things. Then I thought of work. If I'm told of plans, then I can switch for different shifts or if *gasps* your plans have to wait an hour to include a friend whose a work, oh no! At least you can include everyone and not ahve anyone feel excluded. IT's a sucky feeling, I know very well thanks to you all. And thier are days of the week that I don't work, but do people care, of course not. The last reason scares me the most. IF this is because of Eric, then I could just cry right now. In fact, he's the only person I feel like even cares about right now. And if I have to choose between a bunch of petty friends and someone who really does like me, Then I'll choose Eric. God I miss Joey, it seems like my only friends either go to Fairfax or live in Mass.
Yes I was mad at Linnea, but not any more. She's the ONLY person I thought I could talk to about this, but something happened. I won't get into that, because it doesn't matter any more and I have talked to her. Now I'm mad at all my other so called friends. This includes you all. Someone wrote in thier live journal that they thought this didn't concern them. It does. You all have been so blind. I have been depressed for almost two whole about this. No one noticed. I even tried dropping hints. I was beginning to think that maybe I would have to do something drastic, like Matt, to get people to actually notice, but I'm above that. I figured, if they weren't friends enough to notice when I was unhappy, then why should I care. Why? Give me one reason why I should care? I try so hard to keep my friends from being down, that it hurts when no one, NO ONE, notices my own pain.
SO here's the question? Are you my friend or have you forgotton me? I need to know. Now. I need to know so I can find some real friends. You know what AJ told me? She would have called me to hang out lots of times, but she thought I was doing things with my so called friends. Boy was she wrong and I told her so, especailly after I came into work last Friday crying, crying over stupid friends. I'm glad I had a true friend there at least who actually cared. One of my few. But I'm not going to cry any more. I just want to know who are my friends and who aren't. Who has forgotten me and who hasn't.
Don't talk about this with me, don't tell me your sorry. If you are my friends, then in God's name please start acting like it! That will be an apology enough for me. And maybe, just maybe, step out of your little world and notice the people around you. I can only think that if someone else were in my postion, maybe even one of you, then your drastic measures would have been fatal. This is as drastic as I get. SO what will your choice be? My friend or not?
--Amy
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
I'm a total idiot, but what's new?
Date: 2002-11-07 12:22 pm (UTC)Amy, you have to realize something about me that probably people have figured out, i don't know if you have or not, but i am very dense when it comes to things. I need for people to come out directly to me and say, "Hey, i have a problem with the way you are acting about certain things." I'm not saying anything like maybe you should have spoken up more. It is my fault for not noticing how bad you felt about these things happening, my fault, not yours, never yours.
I guess i have been wrapped up with myself lately because of reasons that everyone knows. But i'm getting help for one aspect of that (Mum is gunna arrange for me to talk to a therapist) and tests are all coming in negativo on the other half of things.
I know i can't go back into time and right my wrongs when it comes to leaving people out when planning things and what not. I never ment to do that. If my plan to go to the mall with Lex was another of the tick mark to the angst board please take into consideration that Lex and i had been planning that for a few weeks, just the two of us to bond. And i guess we were insensitive in not considering others feelings when it came to that.
You are a dear friend and i hate that things have become such as they are. You deserve so much better because you are a wonderful person in so many ways. I would list them but that would drag this thing out even more that i already have :)
Oh, and Eric was never something i thought would be a cause of all of this. I am soooo happy for you two! I'm a bit jellious but just because you have found this great guy who you like and likes you back. But if someone deserved happiness, it's you.
keep being your wonderful self and please forgive me for hurting you.
~Devorah
(no subject)
Date: 2002-11-07 03:09 pm (UTC)And if it helps? I feel like this sometimes, with all the Oakton people. It wasn't so bad in middle school, I still went to riding with you and we had Girl Scouts all the time. Now I don't get to see you except at Oakton, and I always felt like a kind of outsider when you were with the other people, talking about things I had no clue about. Still do, sometimes.
I know it's not good enough, but I really am sorry.